My reader Kelly (name has been changed) is battling depression and is entering an eating disorder program. I won't share the reasons that Kelly feels contributed to her depression, but I will say that they are the type of issues that many women struggle with. What makes me share this with you all here today is because Kelly said that she reached out to me because my life looks so perfect and I always seem upbeat and happy.
So today I want to keep it real with all of you who visit my blog regularly and who I let into my "life". I use quotations around life because this little blog isn't a true representation of what my life is like. I suspect many of you realize this. But let's be honest, it can still be easy to compare situations with someone else (celebrity? blogger? friend on facebook?...). "She has the best clothes." "Her home is so beautiful." "She's like Martha Stewart." I think we've all been guilty of this at some time or another.
The truth is, I get to share what I want to share here on this blog. Yes, I could tell you about some of the shitastic stuff that happens. But is that why you come here? Probably not. And it's certainly not why I write. Now, in all honesty and fairness, yes, I am extremely happy. Sometimes I even feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the world. But not in a way that is unlike many other people. I love my family, my friends. I love staying home with Lilly. I have a lot of things in my life to feel lucky about, so I don't want this post to be misinterpreted. But I also change a lot of diapers during the day, and there is always a lot of laundry to do, and my husband leaves his shoes laying around the house (sorry to call you out Josh) and, well, you get the idea. And I, too, have my moments when I wish I could change something about myself.
Remember my Glitter Guide "Shop The Street" photoshoot? What if I told you that I asked my photographer to edit the photos so that my arms would look skinnier. Are you shocked? Maybe, maybe not. But if you go look and compare the first two images in the feature you'll see what I'm talking about. At the time it seemed harmless and fun. I was feeling pudgy and pregnant and yadayadayada. But what makes me absolutely sick is to think that someone, anyone, might be looking at those photos thinking, "why don't I look like that?" Hell, I don't even look like that ;) And to be honest, I don't even care that I don't. I've never bought into the idea that you have to be a perfect tiny size to be happy. So I'm a little disapointed in myself that I felt the need to portray a skinnier version of myself. I hope ya'll aren't too let down. I never really considered that by doing that I was feeding into a social standard that I despise. And let me also be very clear about one thing, neither Glitter Guide or my photographer Gray ever gave me any reason to think that the photos needed edited.
So back to Kelly's question. What is the key to happiness? Beats me. I just try to surround myself with people who bring me up. You know, the type of friends that actually want to see you succeed. And encourage you. I make a lot of time for myself too. I'm as much a selfish person as I am a loving person to those close to me. Because I love myself too. And I've never settled. Life is too short to be living unhappily and longing to step in someone else's shoes.